Not long ago, I was asked to run a wellbeing workshop for a group of children from Years 7- 9 in London. As ‘well-being’ is an umbrella term for an enormous number of things: from massage to promoting positive mental health, I decided to hone in on one message – and that was of the benefits of sometimes challenging our comfort zones.
After sharing some ground rules, I started by allowing students to choose from a selection of about fifty different cards (spread out at the side of the room). The cards delivered instructions for how they were to introduce themselves to as many people as they could in the room. The instructions were colour-coded (for later reflection) but students didn’t know this:
red – easy: e.g. introduce yourself calmly
blue – slightly more challenging: e.g. introduce yourself as if a bird keeps sweeping down and pecking at your head.
purple: more challenging again: e.g. introduce yourself as if you are on a ghost train.
green: the hardest and potentially most socially awkward: e.g. introduce yourself as if everyone is a long lost friend.
(… although the ‘grading’ was clearly subjective!)
After they had completed the task we explored how the activity had triggered them to feel and discussed why. The students discussed vulnerability and social awkwardness and surprised me by talking about the underlying fear that you risk being rejected!
We then explored things that were inside or outside our comfort zone by stepping inside or outside a string circle we had made on the floor. The list included a wide variety of things: social un-coolness, things that we risk failing at, things people are typically afraid of (that won’t actually harm us) etc. My favourite was: owning up to being the person who left their really smelly socks in the toilet – which appeared to be outside most teenagers’ comfort zone.
Next we explored the thoughts that can present themselves when faced with a challenge that’s outside our comfort zone. For this I used a conscience alley which you may or may no have heard of. I gave a scenario where ‘Colin’ was terribly outside his comfort zone when his boss had asked him to deliver a presentation. With a conscience alley, you walk between two rows of children facing each other with each child delivering a possible thought as you pass them. It works quite powerfully to demonstrate the strong impact our thinking can have on us.
Then came a little theory about fear being a ‘better-safe-than-sorry’ emotion and how it can hold on to the idea something is dangerous, even when it doesn’t harm us. The pesky amygdala’s simple job was described.
For the next activity, we created the longest list we could for all reasons why staying only inside our comfort zone was not always beneficial. The students did come up with things I hadn’t thought of.
To explore how we can most effectively step outside our comfort zone, I gave the example of a child I taught who was petrified of water because of an early adrenaline-fuelled experience in the sea. I explained how his amygdala triggered fear automatically even at the idea of water.
I explained how I had intuited that we would need to re-wire his brain and teach him water wasn’t so scary by building up his engagement in steps. (I was about 24 years old. I might class this as one of my greatest achievements ever!) So we made a plan for him to follow (and I could do this because there was a swimming teacher taking the rest of the class):
Week 1: go into the changing room and watch the others
Week 2: Sit at the edge of the pool area and watch the others.
Week 3: dangle our feet in the shallow end.
Week 4: stand in the shallow end
Week 5: dip face in the water
Week 6: Submerge head briefly in the water
Week 6: ‘float’ on his back with my support.
(That might not have been the exact plan but it was something like that and it worked.)
Next for the students, I offered ten comfort zone challenges (e.g. play air guitar wildly) and asked students to categorise them into:
Green: would be totally comfortable doing.
Amber: Would need to be a bit brave to do it
Red: would feel totally uncomfortable and would resist doing it
I asked if anyone was happy to have a go at one of their ‘ambers’ and we applauded the bravery and explored how good it felt afterwards! We also did some laughing with, not at!
The session was completed with a competition: create the best slogan and logo that could be used in a campaign to encourage people out of their comfort zones. Some of the students nailed this!