What can we say about hurt?


 

A video about the emotion or experience of being hurt can be found here: What can we say about hurt?

The main messages in the video include:

  • Hurt is what we experience when we feel or think someone has treated us unfairly.
  • Hurt is not a straightforward emotion as it can be made up of different emotions (and different people will experience it differently).
  • We experience hurt because we expect the world to be fair; which seems like a reasonable expectation to have. However the world is unfair, messy and complicated and accepting this helps us feel less hurt.
  • We are unlikely to get through life without feeling hurt, or without hurting others now and then.
  • We sometimes hold a grudge against a person who triggered our hurt.
  • A grudge mostly harms the person holding it.
  • When we are hurt, we do need to acknowledge what happened and the fact we feel hurt.
  • Most often a  conversation with the person who triggered our hurt ends up with us feeling better as often the person says sorry and sometimes any misunderstandings are also cleared up.
  • Talking to the person who hurt us can be uncomfortable but the aim is to end up feeling better about the situation.
  • Remembering everyone messes up at times - including ourselves - can make us more compassionate towards those who triggered our hurt
  • It's great when we get to tell our side of the story but this doesn't always happen. When it doesn't happen it's a good idea to be able to 'let it go'.
  • It's important to understand thinkg about or planning revenge keeps us locked in a place of negative thinking and unenjoyable emotions. revenge doesn't usually make anything better ultimately.
  • When we forgive someone, it means we no longer carry the emotional pain of whatever happened that triggered our hurt. We benefit ultimately by forgiving someone (although if the other person is aware of how you are feeling, they will also probably appreciate being forgiven).
  • If a person keeps hurting us, there comes a point when it is wise to stop being friends or spending time with that person.
  • Some people are wired up to hurt more than others. These people usually expect the world to hurt them so they see situations that trigger their hurt quickly.
  • We feel less hurt if we accept the world is unfair, we accept people mess up - including ourselves - and we don't think a person's behaviour makes them a good or a bad person. There is good and bad behaviour and bad behaviour can be challenge but there's no such thing as a simply 'bad' person.