When you search for images for ‘humility’, you end up with images like these…
…which imply:
- humility is/was a central message in many religions – including the humility of spiritual leaders (although there are rumours about Mother Teresa of course!) ,
- humility is about considering no task or action as being ‘beneath us’,
- that we reduce our significance and are more ready to serve others when we’re being humble,
- humility comes from realising how small you are relative to the enormity of the universe/God/the unknown.
There’s a lot implied in the images.
When discussing humility with others, there’s often confusion about its meaning- not being able to pinpoint what it is exactly. There is also a slight puzzlement about whether it is actually a good thing or not and it always seems easier for people to say what it is not: arrogance, insisting you’re right, boastfulness, being full of pride, hogging conversations, delusions of grandeur, snobbery, entitlement, being self-centred, superiority, dominating etc. Most of us know that’s a list of vices.
Humility seems somewhat out of vogue – as a word and a concept! This is possibly because in our egoic and individualistic society, the idea of humility counteracts the omnipresent, messages about go-getting, competing to win, striving to be important and get noticed, incessantly driving to acquire more, ‘succeeding’ (I suspect we all have different ideas of what success looks like) and prioritising yourself. At the same time, though, humility seems to be understood as a virtue (and in medieval times it was seen as the opposite of the first deadly sin of pride).
I see humility partly as simply having a realistic view of our own importance – as no more or less significant than anyone else. When you’re humble, you’re more likely to give greater focus to others, value fairness more and then as a result – a whole bagful of other qualities potentially come along as well- such as:
A ‘contained’ self-awareness – resistance of any need to impress others, knowing your abilities and achievements without exaggerating them – or even feeling the need to mention them. Feeling secure in yourself without needing to dominate or boast. Knowing, accepting and being comfortable to admit to your weaknesses.
Openness to learning – willingness to admit mistakes. Remaining ever-curious because of an awareness of how little we can actually know or be certain about in the big scheme of things. The understanding we can learn from anyone and everyone – as everyone’s journey can ‘gift’ us something. Accepting feedback graciously and with objectivity.
Respect for others‘ opinions – valuing different viewpoints as opportunities to learn and not assuming you’re always right – or needing to be right.
Acceptance of others – with an approach that values everyone has something to contribute.
Letting others shine – happily giving credit to others where it’s due. Choosing to help others rather than always championing your own recognition.
Better communication – listening, striving to understand and not assuming anything with a decreased urgency to add your ideas to the pot.
Less entitlement – not believing you deserve special treatment and therefore, for example, willingly doing jobs others might believe are beneath them.
Seeking help – showing vulnerability, being willing to admit when you need help and asking for it.
Less need to ‘prove yourself’ – not feeling a need to say, ‘I already knew that’ (or fear of being ‘patronised’) having genuine pleasure in doing something well for the sake of it and not for the recognition it may or may not get.
Humility often looks small and ordinary, but it creates powerful ripples in trust, respect, and connection. I think we all notice and admire humility and yet it’s easy to see how our ego might stop us from being humble. We can easily convince ourselves we are better than others, that some things are beneath us, that we deserve more recognition than others, that our contributions and achievements are more important, we are definitely more right than others etc…
I don’t claim to be a master of humility but I do claim to be a fan of it.
I love the humility that arrives when you finally feel less need to prove yourself – when you can comfortably offer what you do in a take it or leave it, unattached way – understanding and accepting not everyone wants to hear or receive what you have to say or give.
I love the stability that comes when you no longer roller-coaster emotionally – being crushed by negative feedback or boosted by positive recognition.
I love how humility can make you so comfortable with not knowing, you’re just excited by the opportunity to grow each time you encounter something you don’t know.
I love how being humble means you don’t feel any need to hide your weaknesses and this liberates you to be more authentically you.
I love how humility cultivates gratitude as you uncomplicatedly admire all the amazing things other people do.
The humility I love the most though, is that which I feel when I have a sudden burst of just how insignificant I am: when I look at a vast landscape from the top of a hill I have just climbed (I am sure endorphins help), when I read a history book that suddenly jolts me into realising the ‘enormity of experience’ humanity has had through the millennia, when a piece of music overwhelms me, when I stare out into space – especially on a cold winter’s night, or when someone’s genius or altruism is astounding. I think those moments of feeling so very tiny, deliver an extraordinarily humbling, and yet uplifting, perspective.
Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. commonly attributed to CS Lewis.
Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right. Ezra Taft Benson
The greatest friend of truth is Time, her greatest enemy is Prejudice, and her constant companion is Humility. Charles Caleb Colton
Like many virtues, self-awareness is needed to practice humility. Pride can be devilishly enticing!