My next book: It’s OK to Say No was born yesterday: 8th May 2025 (a Taurus 😉 ). As books take over a year to produce (most of that time is spent on the illustrations by the wonderful Sarah Jennings), I can actually forget what is in one of my books. Consequently, when one arrives, it’s like a reunion: I have to catch up with what’s in it and marvel afresh at the illustrations.
I consider It’s OK to Say No an extremely relevant, empowering and reassuring book that helps children understand boundaries and consent (without mentioning the word ‘boundaries’). It ultimately helps children understand what is respectful when it comes to doing anything that could make someone else, or themselves, feel unnecessarily uncomfortable.
The onus is on ‘uncomfortable’ because a boundary has been ‘pushed’ and not just saying you don’t want to do something that will keep you safe, teach you something or that would be helpful because you don’t want to do it! It’s this distinction that’s hopefully been made very clear in the book – certainly by the many illustrated examples given – if not by words alone.
I often find children (and adults) struggle to be straightforward when it comes to boundaries. I think because we are often taught that saying, ‘no’ is naughty as a child, it comes with psychological baggage we could do without. If we haven’t learned how to be comfortable with maintaining our boundaries, we can end up going along with things that cause us upset or even sometimes trigger us to seethe with resentment! This book makes it clear that there are some boundaries it is perfectly acceptable to maintain. With adults, I get them to reflect on their own boundaries, with this prompt:
With children however, the boundaries they might struggle with tend to relate to touch, personal space, use of possessions, not taking turns, sharing others’ information, ignoring, ‘stop’ or ‘no’ and aggression. The book explores these.
Consent (and boundaries )makes for a somewhat complex topic with multiple components. I probably had more ‘in depth’ philosophical discussions over this book with my editor, than any other! (Thankfully my editor: Amelia Mehra was/is an absolute star at this kind of thing.)
When moulding the contents of such a book, working out what definitely needs to be included and in what order, can be a puzzle where I feel like I am holding many things in my head at once. And in writing a book, the need to flip between the big picture (overview) and the fine details during the editing process makes me feel like I have one eye looking through a telescope and the other, a microscope!
Anyway; I am very pleased with the result, so I thought I would give you a little peek at some of it…
The book starts by looking at the idea of feeling comfortable and uncomfortable and the signals that tell us which we’re feeling. Even for those this seems obvious to, it’s a good thing to help children acknowledge this consciously.
Next it looks at giving consent and the criteria needed for consent to be authentically given. This is my favourite illustration on this page:
The book then goes on to look at situations where consent should be sought.
(SShhh – I call my daughter and one of my closest friends Bunnychops. Don’t tell them they’re in my book – or that they share a nickname with someone else!)
The book then looks at how we ask for consent and if it’s always needed, followed by a page exploring the idea that different people are comfortable with different things and also that we have a right to change our mind!
The next two-page spread looks at how we can be certain we have been given consent by considering how people say ‘yes’ and when we might need to check, yes means yes.
The next two pages explores the idea of being on the receiving end of someone’s ‘no’ and how this might sometimes make us feel a little rejected, awkward or disappointed but that it’s important to understand and respect the person’s ‘no’.
This is followed by looking at what people might wish to keep private as a ‘boundary.’ It includes, private body parts, going to the toilet, washing, what we write in a diary, thoughts we might keep private, things we might not have done well or feel embarrassed about etc. This is one of the less serious pictures on that page.
The next two pages look at touch in particular and why that (nearly always) needs consent. This has its own pages because it can never be stressed enough: the need to respect others’ physicality.
The book then looks at consent at home and also when friends should ask for consent followed by what to do if someone does not ask for consent – including a guide for saying no.
The book finishes by looking at help networks: when and how a child should seek out help. The last page has a few notes for adults.
I’d like to think that after reading this book children will:
- no longer make assumptions about what’s acceptable
- have a clear idea of situations that require consent
- consider the feelings of others more
- feel more empowered to say no when it’s appropriate
- have greater respect for others’ boundaries and comfort.
Like I said, relevant, empowering and reassuring!
Free Lesson Plan
And here you can download a free lesson plan on consent: