I remember several years ago reading a book on the evolutionary psychology of the ‘Big 5’. Not lions, elephants, rhinos, leopards and buffalo! No, the personality traits that fit neatly into the acronym ‘OCEAN’: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism. The book explored how having a mix of people with greater or lesser amounts of each trait served the tribe (and/or the individual). I wrote about the Big 5 when I read the book (which unfortunately I can’t find to credit) here but here’s what I had to say specifically about neuroticism:
In simple terms neuroticism is the tendency we have to experience emotions more intensely, including – and possibly especially – negative emotions. Some people score higher in neuroticism than others. High neuroticism means a person is quick to worry, assume the worst, hold on to tormenting thoughts, become overwhelmed, manage stress poorly and can become overly concerned with how others see them. Emotions can consume them. (On the plus side, ’worriers’ tend to be high achievers as they are driven towards doing well for fear of negative judgement.)
It’s impossible to know how much neuroticism is delivered genetically and how much comes from our upbringing although I suspect both play a part in the amount we end up with. It probably accounts for how some children from extremely trauma-filled childhoods turn out OK. (I read somewhere a third do!) Obviously, if you’re wired with low neuroticism, you’re going to weather a tumultuous childhood more smoothly than those with higher neuroticism. But also, if we are born into a ‘scary’ existence, it makes sense that we ‘hardwire’ to be hyper-vigilant and sensitive to what’s going on around us – with a tendency towards the safety-net emotions of fear and anxiety.
Also probably obvious is the fact the extremes of ‘highs’ and ‘lows’ probably fluctuate differently from those with low and high neuroticism. A tendency towards greater swings in mood and temperament seem to be a trait of high neuroticism. Once a trigger is encountered (and there will be more triggers for those with greater neuroticism as their predisposition is to be readily on the look-out for potentially negative encounters), it can bring about a change in mood, emotions, thought – and if not in control – behaviour with an all-consuming power.
It seems to me therefore, that high neuroticism is a reason to master emotional intelligence. If triggers that barely rattle others cause a person to descend into catastrophising, ruminating, fearful defensiveness, lingering negative assumptions, anxiety, negative self-talk and/or extreme controlling, I conclude some people will need to master their emotions more than others! It seems unfair, but also obvious.
We tend not to think of ourselves as where we sit on a spectrum as we only have the version from inside our heads to go on but we can usually have some idea of our tendency and readiness to feeling negative emotions. We can notice those who seem to take everything in their stride and those who seem to go desperately and continuously searching for things to worry about and consider which end of this spectrum we might be closer to.
We can also develop a blind spot to our neuroticism – especially if we have received the message that negative emotions are ‘bad’. I will use my poor mum as an example. She always used to describe herself as ‘laid back’ and in the main, she could be, However, once she encountered a trigger, she would descend into a ball of neurosis it was hard to observe. But she’d still describe herself as ‘laid back’ even after an ‘episode’. Maybe this was an extreme case of denial but I could see we might not want to identify as a ‘worrier’ or prone to negative emotions if we have been chastened when we expressed such feelings.
Optimistically, though, I do think we can become less neurotic through developing our emotional intelligence! The process of improving emotional intelligence by increasing our ability to observe ourselves with some degree of detachment so we are not in our thoughts and emotions so much as an onlooker, is bound to reduce levels of neuroticism in the long run. The increased self-awareness that developing emotional intelligence brings, allows us to assess situations more objectively without all the ‘conditioned’ and unconscious denials and distortions we can taint our ‘reality’ with. And what is worry but a tendency to believe our exaggerated overthinking without being able to step outside it for a healthier perspective!
So if you’re high in neuroticism -you know what it would be wise to do!