When Socrates said, ‘Know thyself’ as some sort of definitive answer, I think he was talking about having enough self-awareness to choose to pivot from the point you’re at rather than automatically monorail away from it – and the enormous benefits this capability can bring. Bear with me!
Pivot point: A central position or moment from which movement, change or development can proceed in multiple directions.
Monorail: A rigid or constrained path of movement or thought that follows a single direction, with little or no flexibility to deviate.
There are times in our lives when we monorail forward and other times when we can pivot flexibly from a point. I am of course ‘speaking metaphorically’; I have never driven a monorail (although I do have a friend who once did for a summer at Beaulieu)!
Sometimes it’s totally appropriate to monorail (I have made it a verb). For example: when we engage in our morning routine, using the system we input into at work, taking the drive to a place we know, putting our shoes on, embarking upon healthy habits like the jog in the park we do every Wednesday etc. It might be an exhausting day for many of us if we couldn’t run on autopilot for at least some of it (although there’s an irony here as the more mindful/’present’ we become and the less energy we waste thinking about things outside any particular moment, the more energy becomes available for each moment).
However (and this is the main point of this post – perhaps you were wondering?!), there are many times when we monorail, when it would almost definitely be better to pivot more flexibly from the point we find ourselves at. It’s especially true to look out for a tendency to monorail when we have had a strong reaction – which we usually do when we feel some kind of threat – possibly because of being misunderstood, feeling challenged, someone not respecting a boundary, a threat of rejection or humiliation, a feeling of loss of control, trauma imprinting from previous similar situations, sudden jealousy or envy, unfair (or fair) criticism, etc.
Monorailing away from a trigger can result in:
- Shutting down possibilities and options – often before we’ve even really considered them.
- Jumping to conclusions without checking evidence.
- Harsh judgments of others.
- Defensive behaviours that make situations worse e.g. aggression, blaming others, micro-managing, dismissing, controlling.
- Black-and-white thinking (all-or-nothing perspectives).
- Resisting change and reluctance to try anything new.
- Ruminating and catastrophising.
- Seeking validation only from views that reinforce our reaction.
- Withdrawing from situations.
- Shame and self-loathing.
- Disengaging and avoid having to take action.
- Holding onto grudges as we refuse to update our ‘data’ about a person or situation.
- Over-identifying with a single narrative (‘this always happens to me’).
- Escalating situations unnecessarily (making dramatic mountains out of molehills).
- Misinterpreting neutral behaviour as negative or threatening.
- etc
Monorailing is the path of least resistance, it’s automatic and our neural pathways can be entrenched in the position of the monorail track. The monorail route was often laid down in childhood, it was well-intentioned and it worked hard to keep us ‘safe’ in, and navigate, the environments we grew up in. Most of the time the route is so automatic, we’re not even aware that we took it and it can be hard to get off the monorail once we’re on it.
The awareness needed to prevent ourselves from always getting on the monorail takes practice: it needs us to catch our reactions before we embark upon the monorail. That’s quite a tall order for many of us. Many of us want to jump on that monorail and whack it up to full speed. What’s more, we’ll often defend the route rigidly and our right to take it!
Noticing our reactions with greater awareness is the key to accessing a potential pivot point. If we pause and become curious and less certain about our reactions, we can prevent ourselves from becoming trapped on the monorail and its inevitable route. If we see the opportunity of finding the pivot point we can ask ourselves questions like:
- What thoughts and feelings am I experiencing?
- What beliefs do I hold about the situation and do they include assumptions about what others are thinking or what their intentions might be?
- What else could be true in this situation? What could I be missing?
- Is there a clarifying question I could ask someone?
- Am I feeling the pull of manoeuvring myself into a believed position of power, victimhood, resentment, control, powerlessness, superiority, invisibility, feeling rubbish about myself etc?
- What is my actual need and how could I have it addressed in the most direct way possible?
- If I were to sit down and brainstorm actions I could take, how many options could I list and what is my reaction to the idea of each of them – and why? Could I do the opposite of what I have always done?
- If I was observing myself (thoughts, behaviour and feelings) as a person I didn’t know, what would I think?
This could bring about flexibility to resist being on repeat and finding more resourceful ways to tackle tricky situations. You can see why this takes practice – it’s not an overnight switch thing!
But also, outside of strong reactions, the pivot point is found potentially in each and every moment. When we exist more in the moment (far less disturbed by fearful anticipations, ruminations about the past and less rigidly stuck in the same thoughts and beliefs) we find ourselves more frequently at a pivot point where our opportunities and choices increase. We are more likely to try new things, be more resourceful in our responses, feel less trapped by self- imposed limitations and much more besides, for example:
Seizing the pivot point can mean we:
- Notice subtle opportunities that we might otherwise overlook
- Respond with curiosity (pivot point) rather than judgment (monorail)
- Adapt more easily when things don’t go to plan
- Question automatic assumptions,
- Be more accepting of others’ choices different to our own,
- Feel more comfortable with uncertainty or not having all the answers
- Make decisions that are aligned with our values rather than our habits
- Experience greater creativity and openness in our thinking
- Let go of the need to control outcomes or other people
- Engage more authentically, fully and exploratively in conversations and interactions
- Recognise when a different approach is needed – and be willing to take it
- Act with greater intention
- Build more flexible and resilient ways of thinking over time
- Feel a greater sense of agency in how we respond to life
So
Know thyself 😉 (plagiarism)